Norbert and Smedley
86: Invitations
Smedley listened to Ms. Maple’s footsteps fade until he was certain she was out of earshot, then he turned conspiratorially towards the others. “We’ll have a bit of pudding before we return to Nilpaster Manor this evening. How about that?”
“Right. Good idea,” said Penelope.
“Certainly,” said Norbert. He turned to Margaret. “Didn’t you say your mother was a wonderful cook?”
Her face colored. “W-why yes, I did. Why do you ask?”
“Perhaps we could pay her our respects and have a spot of tea there this afternoon. I would love to meet your family, and, well, if you think it wouldn’t be too much trouble…”
“Oh, well, I don’t know… It being a Sunday and all, you know. She may be out, but…”
“Norbert, what are you thinking?” scolded Penelope. “You can’t just go inviting yourself like that.”
Jonesy raised his eyebrows when he caught Jeeves’ eye. Jeeves shrugged in return.
“Why can’t I invite myself?” said Norbert. “Margaret could ring her mother, couldn’t she? Certainly a mother could be honest with her own daughter if it were too much trouble. It’s what my mother would want me to do. Hell, I’d—”
“Norbert!” said Smedley. “There are ladies present.”
“Begging your pardons,” said Norbert with a flourish. “Golly, but I’d be in a stew with my mother if she knew I was in the neighborhood and didn’t stop by. Wouldn’t your mother feel the same, Margaret?”
“Yes. Yes, I suppose she would,” Margaret agreed, albeit reluctantly. “Smedley, where might I find the telephone?”
87: Making Plans
“Smedley, the phone?” Margaret asked again.
Smedley looked at her blankly for a moment before shrugging. “Can’t say that I know the answer to that one. Never used it. We’ll have to ask Maple.”
Margaret’s eyes grew wide with fright. “Oh, no. That won’t be necessary. Perhaps I can just send Jonesy with a note while we’re at Penelope’s. Burgher’s Bottom is not too far from her parents’ home.”
“Good idea,” said Norbert with a smile. “Then why don’t we get our things and hit the road.”
Just as everyone was turning to head their separate ways, Ms. Maple entered. “Jonesy? Do you suppose Jeeves could manage without you for the day? I was thinking if you’re to be the new butler for Nilpaster Manor, today would be a good day for us to go over the running of the household and make plans for the future so that we can run things smoothly together.”
Jonesy started to protest, but swallowed his words when he caught sight of the twinkle in her eye. “Ah, yes, Ma’am. Jeeves is quite efficient, Ma’am. Let me see them off, and I’ll be happy to meet with you wherever is convenient.”
“Right, then. I’ll expect you in my office within the hour,” answered Ms. Maple efficiently, after which her heels clacked together and she turned towards the other end of the house and strode off.
88: To Plumgorn Manor
Smedley reached for Penelope’s hand and gave it a squeeze as soon as they were on the road, with Jeeve’s humming a happy tune behind the wheel of the Bentley, and Smedley, Penelope, Norbert and Margaret all snug together in the back. “I can hardly believe how much has happened, my dear Snow White, in the time since I proposed. Can you?”
“No. It’s a wonder we’re still engaged, my dearest Prince Charming. You gave me quite a fright with that lipstick mark, you know.” Penelope did her best to scold Smedley, but he knew she didn’t mean it, because her eyes were twinkling behind her glasses, and her her curls, which she’d never learned to control, bobbled at odd angles as if they were laughing at her dissimulation.
Smedley pulled a curl straight and let it go, grinning when it sproinged back into shape. “Oh, darling, how could I ever love anyone but you?”
“Really? But there are so many other beautiful girls,” said Penelope.
“Where? I’ve never seen a one.” Smedley was certain that he meant every word.
Norbert made a gagging sound. “Oh, please. Are we going to have to listen to the two of you all the way to Plumgorn Manor? If I’d known, I might have skipped breakfast, because it’s making me a bit queasy.”
“Come, come,” said Margaret. “I think it’s romantic.”
“Of course you do. You’re a girl.”
“I’m glad you noticed.” Margaret batted her eyes coquettishly.
“Oh, I noticed. I noticed a lot more, too.”
“Yes, and it’s all that noticing that gets you chaps into trouble,” grumbled Jeeves from the front. “You’d do a darn sight better if you did a bit less noticing and a bit more thinking.”
Norbert looked at Smedley and shrugged. “Maple must be rubbing off on him,” he whispered. “He’s not usually snappish in the morning.” Then he turned to Penelope. “So, how much further to Plumgorn? And tell us about your parents…”
89: Kissing Fool
Jeeves answered Norbert’s first question for Penelope. “Mr. Norbert, sir, Plumgorn Manor is just here. You’ll have to see the young lady’s parents for yourself, I’m afraid. We haven’t time to stop for her to tell you about them.”
Smedley began to tremble.
“Smedley, what is it?” asked Penelope. “Are you ill?”
“No. No, that’s not it. Not it at all.”
Smedley’s eyes were wide and his voice shook; beads of sweat appeared on his forehead. When Penelope took his hand, it had the feel of a wet cold washcloth. She threw her arms around him and hugged him. “Oh, dear Prince, you’re not nervous are you? It will be fine.”
“But I am nervous. What if they don’t like me? What if they refuse to give me your hand in marriage?”
“What?”
“What if they refuse—”
“Oh, Smedley, you don’t believe that poppycock, do you? I’m free to marry who I wish. Asking my father is merely a courtesy, and of course he’ll love you. You’re the most charming, handsomest, wonderful man in the world. What isn’t there to love? As long as you keep that, er, raincoat to yourself.”
Smedley turned as red as the roses in the Manor garden.
“How do you know—”
“Margaret and I heard you leave with Jonesy, and it sounded as if the two of you were about to have some sort of discussion. It seemed odd that you’d go out at night to walk Woofies, you know, so we figured you were up to something. We wanted to know what that something was.” Penelope giggled. “We nearly gave ourselves away laughing, but you did get the best of Jonesy in the end. I’ll give you that much.”
Smedley sat back in the seat, a pout on his face.
“Oh, Prince, we weren’t laughing at you. Not really.”
“Yes, you were.”
“No. We were laughing at the thought of what my mother would have done. And then at Jonesy’s reaction once you began to tease him. You had him going, you know.”
Penelope reached over and tickled Smedley in the place only his mother knew about, right up until he’d told Penelope about it. He shot Penelope a resentful glance.
“Oh, come on, Smedley,” said Penelope. “You’ve had a laugh or two at my expense, too. I love you, my prince.”
Margaret whispered into Penelope’s ear, “Why don’t you give him a kiss? A real kiss?”
“Here? In front of all of you? We hardly do that, even when we’re alone. Smedley’s a proper sort, you know,” Penelope whispered back. “And we’re nearly to the house.”
“Do it quick, then. It always worked with that other boy before Norbert—his name already escapes me—and it’s worked with Norbert, too. You don’t want him in a mood when we reach the house, do you?”
Penelope shook her head, then grabbed Smedley, pulled him to her, and planted a kiss on his lips. Not just any kiss, either, but the kind of kiss that got her in trouble with Father McMurray and still made her blush when she thought of it. When she came up for air, Smedley looked stunned, but he was smiling.
Penelope’s parents looked stunned, too.
90: Norbert and Bertie
Penelope looked from her stunned parents to Smedley, who now wore her lipstick smeared across his lips, and swallowed hard. Why did she listen to her friends? Every time she took advice from Margaret (or Sofia or Heather or any one of the other girls who lived in her building), she ended up regretting it. If it hadn’t been for them, she wouldn’t have ended up sitting on that bench, looking like a poodle and unrecognized by Smedley. She wouldn’t have embarrassed herself with Father McMurray. And now, she wouldn’t have some explaining to do with her parents.
Before Penelope could say a word, however, Norbert had burst from the car and confidently made his way to her parents. Taking her mother’s hand with a flourish, he raised it to his lips, paying no heed to the shocked expression on the woman’s face. “My dear Mr. And Mrs. Wainscoting, what a pleasure, what a pleasure. Norbert Bennington the Third, at your service. And may I introduce your future son-in-law—if you’ll have him—Lord Nilpaster of Nilpaster Manor. He’s a wonderful chap—my best friend, if you must know—and a right sort. I daresay you’ll love him, once you get over the suddenness of it all. Your daughter is quite taken with him, as well she should be. He’s besotted with her, and has been since first he laid eyes on her. She’s the first woman to take his fancy, and I daresay she’ll be the only until he heads for the grave, may that be a century or more into the future.” Norbert kissed Penelope’s mother’s hand again, took a deep breath and beamed, first at Penelope’s parents and then at Smedley. And then he gave Penelope a wink.
She smiled back at him gratefully.
Margaret elbowed Norbert then. “Oh, and allow me to introduce my fiancée, Miss Margaret Butterworth Frembleysmithercup.”
Penelope started, Smedley raised his eyebrows in surprise and Margaret gasped. Even Jeeves, who rarely showed emotion, swallowed hard. Margaret recovered quickly, however. With only the slightest tremor in her voice, she said, “It is my honor to make your acquaintance,” and made a small curtsy.
Mrs. Wainscoting opened and closed her mouth several times, while her bright eyes darted from one member of the party to another, but she appeared quite unable to utter a word. Penelope, although able, wasn’t quite sure what words she should utter, so she remained silent, too. Smedley, for his part, looked helplessly from Norbert to Penelope and made small bleating noises.
Oh, this is a mess, thought Penelope. Not at all how I wished our first meeting to go.
“Well, well, well,” said Penelope’s father, startling everybody, a broad smile on his face. He reached out to shake Smedley’s hand while at the same time clapping the boy on the back with his other hand.
Taken by surprise, Smedley coughed and struggled to regain his breath from having the wind knocked out of him. He opened his mouth to speak, but Penelope’s father gave him no chance.
“I say, Penny dear, it’s Penny-wise you’ve been. He’s a good-looking fellow, isn’t he? Perhaps not the muscular sort, but his color is good, and he’s got strong features. An honest face. I like him already.” Humbert Wainscoting scratched his chin for a moment. “Nilpaster… Nilpaster… I know the name. Ah, yes. The place on the hill, a county over. Have I got that right? Willy Nilly was the man, was he not? Don’t tell me the devil’s got him!”
“Bertie!”
“Sorry, Mother,” said Penelope’s father. “It was only a figure of speech.” He shot an apologetic look in Smedley’s direction. “I didn’t mean to suggest—”
“No. No, of course you didn’t. But I’m afraid he’s passed on and left the place to me.”
“Well, of course he has. And what a fine heir you are, too. Now, why don’t you come with me to the billiard room, and tell me about yourself over a friendly game of—”
“Bertie! You can steal the boy later. Right now, we should all like a chance to meet him.”
“Right. Right you are, Mother. In that case, let’s all go inside and see if we can’t get some tea. I should like a bit of tea, wouldn’t you? A little sipping until cook has made us lunch would do nicely, don’t you think?”