Norbert and Smedley
71: Rudolph Red
When Norbert, Margaret and Jeeves reached the dining room, they found Smedley and Penelope already seated. A jolly-looking Jonesy stood in the corner ready to serve the meal, while Ms. Maple, her face hidden by her over-large bonnet, stood at the head of the table, posture as erect as ever.
"I trust," said Ms. Maple, her bonnet nodding slightly in time to her words, "that you were sufficiently nourished from your earlier dinner, and so were not unduly inconvenienced by your supper's delay. We have never delayed supper before at Nilpaster Manor, but unusual circumstances warranted. I understand you sent your valets on a mission to recover the dog, Woofington, who is dining on beef stew outside the kitchen, and that their mission led them to Burgher's Bottom where they encountered Sir Walter Trebscott, a favorite of the late Lord Nilpaster. That was fortunate. Sir Walter phoned as soon as Jonesy and Jeeves left Burgher's Bottom, and kindly requested that I delay the meal. He said he waylaid them on the road, and that they remained polite and generous towards him, even though he knew that in doing so, they compromised their ability to make it back to Nilpaster before dinner. Manners such as theirs deserve recognition, he said. I agreed. They have passed their tests as faithful servants. Well done, Jonesy. Well done, Jeeves." Maple nodded. "You may serve the meal."
Jeeves thought he saw Ms Maple touch Jonesy's arm lightly in passing. He definitely saw his brother color—Jonesy's bald pate glowed like Rudolph's proverbial nose. He clucked to himself. Odd bird, that brother of his, if he could see anything in an old biddy like that Maple. Or maybe Jonesy was a bigger brown noser than Jeeves had ever suspected. Either way, Jeeves didn't approve. Nor did he approve of that Miss Margaret. He set his jaw, and served in brooding silence. He didn't like this turn of events, not one little bit.
72: Human Candlepower
Jonesy stole periodic glances at his brother as they served the light supper and tried to puzzle out what had put Jeeves in such a bad mood. It had really turned out to be a nice day, after all. They'd driven Smedley out to the country fearing the worst after receiving the urgent telegram, but found out Smedley'd been made Lord Nilpaster. Their charges had nearly been trampled in a hunt, but merely ended up a bit muddy. He and Jeeves had spent a lovely afternoon in a pub and learned some interesting gossip, none of which seemed terribly frightening with regard to their futures. And they'd recovered the dog and returned heroes. What was so bad about any of that?
And, thought Jonesy as the warmth rose to his cheeks, he'd learned a delightful secret that was going to make his stay here at Nilpaster Manor a whole lot more interesting. He just wished it didn't have to remain a secret. Could he possibly get away with telling Mr. Smedley? Or Lord Smedley, as he now was. That change was going to take a bit of getting used to…
"Jonesy!" Ms. Maple's voice was sharp, but Jonesy knew she didn't mean it. "Will you stop daydreaming and clear the dishes? It's time for the pudding. When the young people are done, perhaps they'd like to retire to the billiard room for a few hours before they retire?"
"Billiards? I love billiards!" said Penelope.
"Oh, no," said Ms. Maple. "The future Lady Nilpaster will not play billiards. That is a gentleman's sport. Ladies may play cards or watch the gentleman."
Penelope's face fell. "Being Lady Nilpaster is going to be more difficult than I thought. So many rules."
"Yes, and you shall learn them all," said Ms. Maple. "Society has its rules of propriety, and when you are a prominent figure, it is important that you follow them."
"It's all right darling," said Margaret, patting her hand, "you'll get used to it. I'll teach you."
Jonesy watched his brother's scowl deepen. He was going to have to talk to that brother of his. He made up his mind to do it right after dinner, and was about to speak to him about it when he felt Ms. Maple reach for his hand from behind and pull him towards the darkened hallway leading to the kitchen. "I think they'll be occupied for a moment," she said. "Don't you?"
He looked at her and pushed the bonnet back so he could see her face more clearly. His heart stopped for a moment, and he was at a loss for words. "You… you're—"
"Jonesy? Jonesy, where are you?" Jeeves came crashing through the door.
Hurriedly, Ms. Maple pulled her bonnet back in place and Jonesy turned towards his brother, certain the hallway was no longer dimly lit—that the glow from his face more than made up for the lack of candles.
73: Pudding
Jeeves’ mood was more than foul. “The pudding isn’t going to serve itself, you know. And damn it if your boy didn’t eat all of his vegetables. Won’t you come back in and help me? I’m tired, and the sooner we get dessert on the table, the sooner we can get the young folks tucked away in their rooms and be off to ours, as well.”
Jonesy coughed. “Why, yes. Of course.” He glanced apologetically at Ms. Maple. “May we continue our discussion later?”
“Of course,” she replied.
Jonesy wasn’t certain, but he thought he detected a bit of a tremor in her voice, as if her usual authority had been shaken. Question after question tumbled about in his brain, more than he could count, so many he wasn’t sure where he wanted to start, and the more he pondered them, the warmer his face grew. Unconsciously, he reached up to loosen his tie.
“What the devil are you doing?” asked Jeeves. “Are you ill? Oh, blimey. Don’t tell me you’ve got a touch of the flu coming on. I can’t be responsible for these kids by myself—the smartest one of them hasn’t a lick of sense. No telling what kind of trouble they’d get themselves in without us, you know. With Smedley, it’s one thing after another, and now we’ve got Norbert falling in love with a commoner. Pull yourself together, man. Certainly you can make it through a meal, can’t you? Then we’ll see about a nice hot toddy for you and you can take to your bed.” He grinned at his brother evilly. “I could probably even scare up some cod liver oil. Mum always said that was good for that what ails you.”
“What? Ill? No, I’m fine.” Jonesy realized how he’d given Jeeves the wrong impression and straightened his tie, though he left it looser about his neck than it had been before. “Do you want to serve the pudding while I get the tea? Then after we’ve finished with the young folk and taken our supper in the kitchen, I believe I’ll have a word with the old Maple. Perhaps she’ll be able to advise us on how to handle Miss Margaret.” He congratulated himself for thinking up an excuse to see Maple.
“Good thought. Shall I go with you? She’s scary, that one. You shouldn’t have to face her alone.”
“No!” said Jonesy. “I mean—No, that won’t be necessary. I’ve handled worse before. Perhaps you can make note of what we’ve learned today so we don’t forget any important details.”
74: Putting on Airs
It seemed to Jonesy that Norbert and Smedley and their respective girlfriends would never finish giggling and laughing over their pudding. His stomach was growling, his feet ached, and he had other things to attend to—it was all he could do to stand at proper attention in the corner and keep an eye out for their needs—but tonight, of all nights, the two young couples lingered. He had to be careful—one slip and Jeeves would be all over him; it would be difficult enough getting rid of Jeeves as it was… maybe he could suggest the fool take Woofington for a walk.
“Jonesy, did you hear me?” asked Smedley. “I asked if there was any more hot water. Miss Penelope would like to take a cup of tea up with her.”
Jonesy started. Jeeves raised his eyebrows.
“Sir? No, I don’t think so, but I can see that a fresh pot is brought up for her directly. Are you ready to retire then?”
“Yes. I think so,” yawned Smedley. “It’s awfully early, but we were up late last night, and we thought we might get up early in the morning for another explore. You don’t suppose they’ll be out with the hounds again, do you?”
“I shouldn’t think so, sir. But I can check with Maple if you like.”
“Yes, do.” Smedley touched Penelope’s forearm. “Come, my dear Snow White. I’ll walk you to your chamber.”
Margaret giggled. First a soft giggle, then louder and louder.
Norbert turned to look at her. “What’s gotten into you?”
“Smedley. Putting on airs, isn’t he? Make him a Lord in the morning, and he’s talking like one by nightfall. But he isn’t one yet, really, is he? Doesn’t there have to be some sort of ceremony or something?”
“I don’t think so. He’s not a knight or anything. It’s just a hereditary title, and he’s inherited it, my chickadee.” Norbert offered his arm. “Are you coming, too?”
Once the young folks were out of earshot, Jonesy paused from clearing the table to speak to Jeeves. “How dare that Peggy—Margaret, she calls herself now—make fun of Smedley and accuse him of putting on airs! Now that’s a bit of the pot calling the kettle black, wouldn’t you say?”
Jeeves nodded without looking up from gathering the napkins over his arm. “Yes. I think I’d better have a word with Norbert—and the sooner, the better.”
Jonesy went back to stacking the plates. “Tell you what—why don’t you take Miss Penelope her pot of tea on your way to get Woofington for his walk? Norbert should be alone by the time you and the dog return.”
“And I expect you’ll be snoring away in my absence?”
“No. I’ll be getting information out of Maple.”
75: Meat and Potatoes
By the times Jeeves and Jonesy had finished clearing the table, the cook had set their dinners on the small table in the corner of the kitchen.
“What, ho? This is a hearty meal,” said Jeeves. “Better than what the young folks got, isn’t it Jonesy?”
“Of course it is,” said the cook, who was standing over them, her eyes on their faces. “Strapping blokes like the two of you needs more than wot Maple sets before the Lord and Lady. I know, ‘cause I got blokes of me own at home. Do you likes it?”
“We do,” said Jonesy. “Very much.” He stuffed a bit of bread soaked in savory stew into his mouth and closed his eyes in satisfaction. “Puts me in mind of me mum, and that’s my highest and best compliment.”
The old woman beamed. The creases and wrinkles around her eyes grew deeper, Jeeves noticed, and her cheeks hinted at the dimples that must have been present in her youth. With the merry twinkle in her eye, she must have been charming in her day.
“It will be such fun to have young folk around the manor again,” she said. “It’s been so long, you know. Willy Nilly tried. Lord knows, he tried. But silliness is a poor substitute for youth, my dears, and the goings on kept us from any true entertaining.” Suddenly, her eyes grew as wide as her sagging lids would allow. “But that needn’t concern you. The past is past. We’ve a new Lord now, and he seems a fine boy. You’ll have to tell me about him. Tomorrow, perhaps? You look a bit piqued today. Eat up, then off to bed with you.”
Jeeves watched in dismay as the woman, not much larger than a child, clapped her hands and turned her back on them. She paid them no further attention, even when Jonesy asked her a question. It was if they’d suddenly disappeared, or she were a figment of their imaginations. When he’d finished his meal, Jeeves decided to give her one last try. “Mrs. Matthews, I’ve done with my stew. Where will you be wanting my plate?”
Without turning to look at him, the cook pointed to the sideboard then went on about the business of tidying up the kitchen. Jeeves shrugged. “I’ll be off to see to the dog, then,” he said.
“And I’m off to see Ms. Maple,” Jonesy added.